Kimpton Sawyer, Sacramento, CA — A Review by Timber the Frenchie

LISTEN UP, humans. Timber here. Your new Chief Comfort Officer, your resident suite critic, and the most important guest the Kimpton Sawyer has ever hosted. Yes, I said what I said.

This was only my SECOND hotel stay ever and they went ahead and upgraded us to a suite. A SUITE. With windows. Big, glorious, sun-soaked windows. I found my patch of sunlight in approximately 45 seconds flat, circled it three times for quality assurance, and proceeded to nap like a champion for the next hour. This is what peak performance looks like. You’re welcome.

Now. About the treat. BLUEBERRY. PEANUT BUTTER. ORGANIC. Specially made for the hotel dogs. I don’t know who this genius is or what they’re being paid but it is not enough. I ate it in three bites, looked my dad dead in the eyes, and communicated very clearly that I would like ten more. He said no. I’m filing a complaint.

Wine hour was happening downstairs. I heard about it. I was NOT invited. Apparently I haven’t finished all my shots yet so large social gatherings are “not recommended” — which is absolutely devastating news for everyone who would have met me and had their entire day improved. Their loss, honestly. I stayed in the suite, sunbathed aggressively, and made my dad feel guilty about it. Success.

The Kimpton staff fussed over me at every possible opportunity, which is the correct response to my presence. The lobby is gorgeous. The suite had more square footage than I knew what to do with, so I did zoomies. Obviously.

My predecessor Koda set a very high bar for this whole “Suite Life” thing. I’m only two stays in and I already feel like I understand the assignment completely. The assignment is: find the sunbeam, eat the fancy treat, judge the room, demand more treats.

Next time they better have two treats waiting. I’m a VIP now. It’s literally in my title.

Rating: 🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾  5 out of 5 Paws — Would nap here again immediately.